I know this out of order but I wanted to record these feelings whle they were fresh;
Today was fast and testimony Sunday, the Sunday
before conference. 7 years ago on a fast Sunday like this one I discovered the gospel.
This past July I took my 2 nephews and niece in to our home. I was so excited
to start with thinking I will do a world of good for them. And then it went all
bad. They were difficult and just plain hard to deal with. Bad behavior, bad attitudes,
and messes ton of messes every day. There was nothing but laundry and dished to
deal with all the time. Kids were not getting enough attention and acting out.
A total of 6 kids all together. I just felt like I was failing like this was
the worst thing I could do to myself, my hair was literally turning gray and receding!!
All the punishment plans I could think of were not working what was I going to
do?? Then my visiting teacher asks me question, such an obvious question. “Have
you prayed about it?” Pray about discipline?? No! What?? Heavenly father and discipline?
Not what I think of when I think of heavenly father. Then I thought about it? Why not? Why not pray
about how to handle my stress. How to handle theses "bad" kids?
So after praying for a while I had a thought; what
I'm doing is not working let’s take a Christ like approach. I always leek to
thing when dealing with difficult people “what would Heavenly father do in
treating this person in this situation”. I don't know why it didn’t occur to me
how would heavenly father treat his children? So I thought ok basic's first: let’s
start with scripture study! Maybe if
they have heavenly father on the front of their brains they might act better!
So in the morning we started to read the book of
Mormon. Then we moved on to teaching them about personal prayer. I taught these
children that they could pray one on one to their heavenly father. And just
like that I could start to see a change. They were not bad kids just kid making
bad choices. Now their choices seem to be getting better.
It is the most beautiful sight to see my 6 year say
and do personal prayer on her knees in her room, praying to her heavenly
father!!
Then for me, I went to the temple. I attended Stake
conference both adult and Sunday sessions! I went to the Relief society Conference!
I felt like I was on spiritual fire. It's a great an amazing feeling!
During the week people would ask so how are you
doing how are things going? I usually would say the polite answer OK, just ok!
But now I could say Great!!
On Moring I woke at 5am to do my dishes because
they were a mess. I wanted to go to play group that was restarting and I
wouldn't be able to go knowing my sink was overflowing! So I woke early did
them took kids to school, and then came back and relaxed a bit because all was
done and it wasn't quite time for play group. Then I got a call, it was from my
visiting teaching partner. We had an appointment I had forgot about, and we were
due to be there in a half hr. I was like but I wanted to go to play group (scheduled
at the same time). My sweet partner was like if you’re busy you don't have to
go I'll go by myself. Well I wasn't busy I just wanted to do something else. So
begrudgingly I decided I would go. Since I had a bit of free time I read the
lesson and scriptures to pre-pare and it was amazing!! The lesson was on Strengthening Families by
increasing spirituality. It was exactly what I was doing, Strengthening my family
by increasing our spirituality! I was so excited I was like this is awesome
this is what I’m doing I want to share this!! So went to do my visit teaching
with a good and excited spirit! And still made it to play group!
When my visiting teachers came over to share the
message with me, I was overly excited to tell them all that I was doing instead
of a sob story!
Sunday was a sprit cup overflowing day! Fast Sunday
and the kids are doing the usually acting like kids being a bit unruly. There were
a couple of children bearing their testimony, and I was busy trying to keep
kids who were not paying attention quite. Then my most difficult child turns to
me and asks if he can go up there. I'm thing WHAT??? Then ask him what are you
going to say? He tells "I just want to bear my testimony that I know this
church is true and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen" I
think well Ok. I guess so. So the oldest is entertaining his baby sister and one
of my young ones. My oldest is in the bathroom and my "baby" is out
in the hall with his dad. So I tell the oldest just watch these little ones ok.
I take the one who wants to bear his testimony up. I can tell he's nervous so I
tell him its ok he can do it and that I 'm so proud of him. Then I see my
oldest coming up trailed by her sister. Oh No! She wants to just sit with me!!
So I'm trying to know keep these two from being a distraction on the side of me
one on my lap. Then I see my oldest nephew is now coming with his baby sister
"Seriously" I think!! I just kind of usher him to sit in the front
row for now. It's finally my Nephews turn to bear his testimony and He does it
and then my daughter says she'll bear her testimony too!! This is just beyond
Great. It was a first for both of them and he's not even a member! My Bella decided
she didn't want to do hers, but would stand beside me. I choke out a testimony because
I feel like I was being drowned in the
spirit (which is a good thing, but not so great trying to get all this out. ) Then
my oldest nephew trades off his sister to his brother and bears his testimony
that he like the church and thinks it's cool and has learned a lot and says
it's a true church.
I'm not sure if they know exactly what they are saying
but for now it is an amazing journey they have come on from where they started
in July to where they are now!
I fell at time like I too have come far since July
as well. I have always held strong to the iron bar, but maybe not always
steadfast as I needed to. I had a
relaxed grip on it in July. Then when all these difficulties cam at me day
after day, none stop I let go to fight them off with both hands. But they beat me
down. I felt like was pounded to the ground holding my hands up like saying I
give up please help me. Instead heavenly father said “hold stead fast to the iron
rod!” So I got up and I did, I stopped the sobbing and I believed I could do
this with him .Then it was like he said “Pick your shield, do not fight with your
hand but block/ ward off these difficulties.” So I picked up my scriptures.
Then it was as he said “put on your armor on make yourself strong.” So I put on
my armor, I went to the temple, to conference sessions, did my visit teachings
and most of prayed! Most importantly I constantly prayed!
I know that heavenly father is amazing and will
keep blessing us if we continue to live righteously and do all that he ask of
us!
