25 Sep- Increasing my testimony

I know this out of order but I wanted to record these feelings whle they were fresh;

Today was fast and testimony Sunday, the Sunday before conference. 7 years ago on a fast Sunday like this one I discovered the gospel. This past July I took my 2 nephews and niece in to our home. I was so excited to start with thinking I will do a world of good for them. And then it went all bad. They were difficult and just plain hard to deal with. Bad behavior, bad attitudes, and messes ton of messes every day. There was nothing but laundry and dished to deal with all the time. Kids were not getting enough attention and acting out. A total of 6 kids all together. I just felt like I was failing like this was the worst thing I could do to myself, my hair was literally turning gray and receding!! All the punishment plans I could think of were not working what was I going to do?? Then my visiting teacher asks me question, such an obvious question. “Have you prayed about it?” Pray about discipline?? No! What?? Heavenly father and discipline? Not what I think of when I think of heavenly father.  Then I thought about it? Why not? Why not pray about how to handle my stress. How to handle theses "bad" kids?

So after praying for a while I had a thought; what I'm doing is not working let’s take a Christ like approach. I always leek to thing when dealing with difficult people “what would Heavenly father do in treating this person in this situation”. I don't know why it didn’t occur to me how would heavenly father treat his children? So I thought ok basic's first: let’s start with scripture study!  Maybe if they have heavenly father on the front of their brains they might act better!

So in the morning we started to read the book of Mormon. Then we moved on to teaching them about personal prayer. I taught these children that they could pray one on one to their heavenly father. And just like that I could start to see a change. They were not bad kids just kid making bad choices. Now their choices seem to be getting better.

It is the most beautiful sight to see my 6 year say and do personal prayer on her knees in her room, praying to her heavenly father!!

Then for me, I went to the temple. I attended Stake conference both adult and Sunday sessions! I went to the Relief society Conference! I felt like I was on spiritual fire. It's a great an amazing feeling!

During the week people would ask so how are you doing how are things going? I usually would say the polite answer OK, just ok! But now I could say Great!!

On Moring I woke at 5am to do my dishes because they were a mess. I wanted to go to play group that was restarting and I wouldn't be able to go knowing my sink was overflowing! So I woke early did them took kids to school, and then came back and relaxed a bit because all was done and it wasn't quite time for play group. Then I got a call, it was from my visiting teaching partner. We had an appointment I had forgot about, and we were due to be there in a half hr. I was like but I wanted to go to play group (scheduled at the same time). My sweet partner was like if you’re busy you don't have to go I'll go by myself. Well I wasn't busy I just wanted to do something else. So begrudgingly I decided I would go. Since I had a bit of free time I read the lesson and scriptures to pre-pare and it was amazing!!  The lesson was on Strengthening Families by increasing spirituality. It was exactly what I was doing, Strengthening my family by increasing our spirituality! I was so excited I was like this is awesome this is what I’m doing I want to share this!! So went to do my visit teaching with a good and excited spirit! And still made it to play group!

When my visiting teachers came over to share the message with me, I was overly excited to tell them all that I was doing instead of a sob story!

Sunday was a sprit cup overflowing day! Fast Sunday and the kids are doing the usually acting like kids being a bit unruly. There were a couple of children bearing their testimony, and I was busy trying to keep kids who were not paying attention quite. Then my most difficult child turns to me and asks if he can go up there. I'm thing WHAT??? Then ask him what are you going to say? He tells "I just want to bear my testimony that I know this church is true and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen" I think well Ok. I guess so. So the oldest is entertaining his baby sister and one of my young ones. My oldest is in the bathroom and my "baby" is out in the hall with his dad. So I tell the oldest just watch these little ones ok. I take the one who wants to bear his testimony up. I can tell he's nervous so I tell him its ok he can do it and that I 'm so proud of him. Then I see my oldest coming up trailed by her sister. Oh No! She wants to just sit with me!! So I'm trying to know keep these two from being a distraction on the side of me one on my lap. Then I see my oldest nephew is now coming with his baby sister "Seriously" I think!! I just kind of usher him to sit in the front row for now. It's finally my Nephews turn to bear his testimony and He does it and then my daughter says she'll bear her testimony too!! This is just beyond Great. It was a first for both of them and he's not even a member! My Bella decided she didn't want to do hers, but would stand beside me. I choke out a testimony because  I feel like I was being drowned in the spirit (which is a good thing, but not so great trying to get all this out. ) Then my oldest nephew trades off his sister to his brother and bears his testimony that he like the church and thinks it's cool and has learned a lot and says it's a true church.

I'm not sure if they know exactly what they are saying but for now it is an amazing journey they have come on from where they started in July to where they are now!

I fell at time like I too have come far since July as well. I have always held strong to the iron bar, but maybe not always steadfast as I needed to.  I had a relaxed grip on it in July. Then when all these difficulties cam at me day after day, none stop I let go to fight them off with both hands. But they beat me down. I felt like was pounded to the ground holding my hands up like saying I give up please help me. Instead heavenly father said “hold stead fast to the iron rod!” So I got up and I did, I stopped the sobbing and I believed I could do this with him .Then it was like he said “Pick your shield, do not fight with your hand but block/ ward off these difficulties.” So I picked up my scriptures. Then it was as he said “put on your armor on make yourself strong.” So I put on my armor, I went to the temple, to conference sessions, did my visit teachings and most of prayed! Most importantly I constantly prayed!

I know that heavenly father is amazing and will keep blessing us if we continue to live righteously and do all that he ask of us!